Friday, January 22, 2010

Review: Hannibal (2001)

Director: Ridley Scott (you'd think the guy who directed Alien would know how to make a better movie...)
Starring: Anthony Hopkins, Julianne Moore, Gary Oldman, Ray Liotta

Okay, who green-lighted this? I mean this is seriously completely unwatchable - nonexistant pacing, horrible writing, annoying characters, phoned-in psychology...there's just nothing good here, at all. Every single thing this movie does is insulting and putrid, annoying the viewer fiercely. This movie is actively painful to sit through on several levels I never thought possible. I mean, the main villain is a mangled homosexual cripple who will make you want to look at car crash victims as an alternative, and his ingenious plan is to feed Hannibal to a bunch of hungry, rabid hogs. That should be enough for you to skip this stinker by itself, but when you add in a horrible Ray Liotta and a climax that involves watching him stutter through his lines with his brain hanging out, it becomes a certifiable national disaster. This movie is just terrible, and I'd be willing to bet that the director and producer are the ones who really got lobotomized here. Avoid.