Showing posts with label racist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label racist. Show all posts

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Wizard of Oz (1925)

For a variety of reasons, this review relied heavily on my memory as well as sources I found online. Therefore, some (mostly, if not all, minor) details regarding the plot of the film may not be entirely accurate. But then again, you probably are not going to see this anyway, so it should not matter that much; I just thought you all should be aware of this in case you do. By the way, this is another "summery" review (though I have once agin skimmed over certain parts to reduce the length), so there will be spoilers. That being said, let's get right into:

Starring: Larry Semon, Oliver Hardy, Dorothy Dawn
Director: Larry Semon

Ok, in case you can't tell by the information listed above, this isn't "The Wizard of Oz". We all know and love the 1939 Judy Garland version, but most people are probably unaware that there were earlier adaptations of L. Frank Baun's classic book. So I was surprised to come across this 1925 silent film (produced by Baun's son) that depicts the story. Having viewed it, I can say that...well...let's just say that it is a little different...

The story starts off with a little girl asking her grandfather, a toy-maker played by director Larry Semon, to read to her "The Wizard of Oz". It then shows the Land of Oz, where some guy named Prime Minister Kruel (Josef Swickard) is in charge. And guess what, he's evil! Wouldn't have know that from a guy with that name! Though to be fair it's a little difficult to take someone that seriously as a dictator when he looks like Mozart:

I would like to make an "Amdeus" reference right now, but I haven't seen the movie yet, so I guess I will have to pass.

Anyway, he has his minions, including his right-hand man Ambassador Wikked (Otto Lederer) and the Wizard himself (Charles Murray), who looks like a mixture between a proper English gentleman and a Muppet:

"MEEPMEEPMEEPMEEPMEEPMEEPMEEP!!!"

The people of Oz, as represented by Prince Kynd (Bryant Washburn), are not very happy with their leader and they demand the return of their princess. Not really sure why the Prince can't just rally up the people and take over by himself, but believe me there are far more obnoxious plot holes than this to get riled up about. On a side note, there is one scene where a woman is dancing and one person mentions that (I'm paraphrasing a little here) "she is a lot of applesauce!". Really, because I thought she looked more like a cranberry kind of girl.

We then skip to a scene that is a little more familiar: Dorothy (Dorothy Dawn) living with her aunt (Mary Carr) and uncle (Frank Alexander) in Kansas. However, it soon starts to show some differences from the 1939 version. First of all, Uncle Henry is an asshole. The first scene he is in, he goes over to his wife, destroys the flowers Dorothy had just given her, and then yells at Dorothy for doing it. Ummm...why? I don't think it's a really a big deal, Henry, just take a chill pill. But no, he proceeds to get angry at the other farmers.

First, he goes over to Snowball, a black man, who is seen eating from the watermelon patch.........................yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, this is not like today where the most people can get away with in terms of racial insensitivity in a mainstream movie is any annoying alien named Jar Jar and two equally annoying Transformers robots. Back then, people didn't worry about that; they were just explicitly racist! Isn't that wonderful! Oh, by the way, the actor who plays him is Spencer Bell, but in the film he is credited as G. Howe Black. I am dead serious! Anyway, as Uncle Henry continues to have a hissy fit, we come across our other main characters, one played by Semon (I kind of surprised he wasn't the one to change his name), and another played by Oliver Hardy before he gained fame as the bigger half of the famous "Laurel and Hardy" duo. They both love Dorothy, and they proceed to fight over her. And by fight over her, I mean Semon runs away from Hardy (I forgot their character's names, if they were given any) and the other people on the farm for about 10 minutes, using slapstick and bad special effects that looks like what would be featured in a "Home Alone" rip-off today.

Soon there after, Wikked and his minions come over by plane, because I guess Oz can be reached through the use of a 1920s airplane (I will get back to this point later). They demand possession of a letter from Dorothy's past. It turns out that Dorothy was found on the doorstep of her aunt and uncle's house with a note that stated that when the girl turned 18, she should read a note meant specifically for her. Wikked threatens to kill Dorothy by tying her up from a silo, sending everyone around to look for the letter. When it is found, a fight breaks out between Seron and Hardy, which of course means more slapstick! At one point, Sermon falls from the top of the silo, lands on the ground head first, and yet is completely unharmed. So why is everyone so concerned about Dorothy falling off? Did women's bones break easier than men's in this era?

Eventually a tornado forms, forcing everyone to seek shelter in a shed, except Aunt Em, who disappears and is never seen or mentioned in the film again. Sucks. Meanwhile, Snowball (gee, maybe that name is supposed to be ironic...or maybe it's because he's Irish) walks outside for some reason where he is hit by lighting bolts repeatedly and they bounce off his head. You know, because black people are so stupid and thick headed! Hahaha, oh racism...This eventually leads to the most visually striking and yet bizarre part of the film. The lighting comes down, pushes Snowball up in the air where he continues to run across the sky with the lighting on his trail until he eventually ends up in the house which is still flying away. This would be the point where I would accuse the filmmakers of using LSD, except LSD hasn't even been invented at the time this was made. So what's their excuse?!

Anyway, the house goes over a ledge and crashes. As you can imagine, no one is hurt. And where do they end up, you may ask? Russia. Ok, fine its Oz, but the way the palaces are set up it looks a lot like Moscow. Well, one thing is for sure, I don't think they are in Kanas anymore...no, I'm not quoting the Judy Garland version, because I am not 100% sure that they left Kansas; they really didn't travel that far! If they did leave the state (yeah, when I think of Kansas, I think of ledges) they certainly didn't go far enough to leave the country, so even the Russia thing isn't an excuse! Oz is supposed to be a magical place in the realm of imagination, not some random kingdom located in Middle America! WHAT THE HELL?!

Well, after that tiny plot hole, Dorothy reads her letter, which declares that she is a princess and rightfully heir to the throne of Oz (even though this would be considered illegal under Article I, Section 9 of the U.S. Constitution which states...ok fine, I'll drop it) and her uncle is taken along and given a title as the Prince of Whales (because he is fat; that's right, we are making fun of fat people now). The others, however, are placed under arrest (ummm...why?...and why doesn't Dorothy help them?), and the Wizard is ordered to turn them into monkeys. However, unknown to the rest of the kingdom, he is not an actual wizard, so he cooperates with the would-be prisoners, warning that if they don't do something "We're all in Dutch!" (????????). Seron and Hardy then try to disguise themselves as a Scarecrow and a Tin Man. Ha, Oliver Hardy as the Tin Man, that's kind of a joke isn't it? But wait, it's that time again...SLAPSTICK! After a few minutes of that, they are arrested, and while Hardy is let loose because he accuses his workers of kidnapping, Semon and Snowball are thrown in a dungeon. While they are there, they are confronted by prisoners and lions. Semon tries to trick them by disguising Snowball as a lion. Semon is a first afraid of the real lions, but then decides that he is safe because these lions only like "dark meat". Wow, that was both corny and racist at the same time, good job.

Eventually, they escape, with Semon breaking into the palace and Snowball getting out a different way, doing a bunch of summersaults in the air (not quite as strange as it sounds, but still...). Uncle gets trapped down in the dungeon, because of the door in the floor being opened. Well, that along with bad editing and since he just kind of randomly decided to fall backwards for no reason at all. Kruel is defeated in a sword fight by Kynd with the help of Semon, and after Kruel admits to being the one who hid Dorothy (oh right, almost forgot about her didn't you?) as a baby, he and his forces are arrested. Wait, I just realized something. If she was such a threat to his rule why wouldn't her just kill her as an infant? Or...no, I'm done, let's just rap this up. Seron then discovers that Dorothy is in love with Kynd, meaning all his wooing was for not. Sucks to be you (though Sermon and Dawn were married in real life, so I guess he was just poking fun at himself).

Anyway, it appears he is not the only one upset, because Hardy and a bunch of soldiers once again are going after him. That's right, got to fit one last bit of slapstick in there before you go, don't you? Snowball launches a plane and Semon grabs onto the ladder attached to it to escape. However, the latter breaks, he falls from the sky, and............…it all the sudden comes away from the story again, with the doll of the Scarecrow falling down. The toy-maker had fallen asleep, but the noise wakes him up, he tells his granddaughter to go to bed. He then opens up the story one last time to say that Dorothy and Kynd lived happily ever after.

Really....that's how you are going to end it?! "Oh, the rejected Sermon falls to his death (maybe), every other character kind of just fades away, but that's ok, because Dorothy and Kynd, both of whom we spent very little time discussing, especially in the last third of the movie, lived happily ever after!" SEE?! EVERTHING WORKED OUT! Wikipedia says that there is some stuff that is implied which would make for a more climatic ending, but that would assume that the film is in someway cleaver, and I am not yet willing to accept that!

This movie is...weird. That's kind of a strange thing to say about a story originally about munchkins, witches, talking scarecrows and lions, and men made of tin. But if they were going to go in a different direction from the book, this was not the right way. The characters are one dimensional, the paper-thin plot is filled with endless and unfunny slapstick, and bunch of the stuff that they include makes no sense. Did I mention it is racist?

Ok, to be fair, all of my observations are taken from a modern-day perspective, so much of what I made fun of here is a victim of being outdated, which includes both technically and creative aspects. I don't think that this film was supposed to be taken that seriously even when it first came out; it was just a dumb little movie about dumb people doing dumb things. That being said, it does show its age and there are other kinds of films, both from the silent era and today, that are more enjoyable to watch for your viewing pleasure. So, if you want to check it out for curiosity's sake, go ahead. As a source of pure entertainment, however, I do not recommend it.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Starring: Shia LeBeouf, Megan Fox, John Turturro
Director: Michael Bay


Oh God...

I am only human with human flaws, and on occasion, I want to see a train wreck. I was curious about why this movie got blasted as hard as it did. Well...I found out. And it deserves every criticism it got.

For the record, I do not say this as a Michael Bay-hater. I actually liked the first "Transformers" movie; it had epic battles between good robots, bad robots, and the military, and had a lot of humor in between. Sure, it had some stupid parts in it, but generally speaking it was entertaining. This on the other hand...there is no defense for this. I do not usually like doing "summery reviews," but I think that this time it is necessary to explain its true awfulness (I will skim over a bit so that I can get to the "important parts"). There will be spoilers, but trust me, you will not care.

It starts off with Optimus Prime talking about how the Decepticons and their real leader, named the Fallen, came to Earth long ago to get energy and a bunch of other stuff that will be explained later on and does not really need to be mention at the moment. It then shows the Autobots and the military chasing after leftover Decepitcons through the streets of Shanghai. The new national security advisor is an asshole (surprised?) and wants to disband the group and sending the Autobots packing, but Optimus warns that this is unwise that there is going to be big problems ahead, indicating...THE REVENGE OF THE FALLEN!!! Or he could have been talking about the plot, which I think ends up doing more damage to mankind than the Fallen ever does.

It then cuts to Sam (Shia LaBeouf) who is getting ready for college. He is still dating Mikaela, played once again by Megan Fox. Has her acting improved since the first movie? Nope. Is she still hot? Yes. Well, that's all that really matters, so let's just move on. Anyway, Sam finds a piece of the All-Spark that was destroyed in the first film and it fills his mind with a bunch of symbols and releases a bunch of really weird looking robots that briefly cause havoc around the house. How exactly did this last part happen? It's not really explained. Get used to it.

Despite this issue, Sam gets to college and meets his new roommate Leo (Ramon Rodriguez), who talks about how the governments of the world are hiding the existence of the robots. This is when the movie really starts to raise eyebrows. How exactly is the U.S. government and its counterparts expecting to have 50 foot robots running around, firing guns at one another, in huge metropolitan cities like Shanghai AND BELIEVE THAT NO ONE WILL NOTICE! This was mentioned at the end of the first Transformers movie, but I did not think anyone really took it seriously. Well, apparently Michael Bay and other people who made the film did! Jesus.... So, how are we expected to ignore this huge plot hole. By laughing at Sam's mom (Julie White), who accidently eats "special brownies" and gets really loopy! Are we also expected to buy this fact even though she apparently bought it from stereotypical looking stoners and that a woman in her late 40s does not know what a marijuana leaf looks like (the symbol is clearly labelled on the bag). I guess there is nothing we can do about these plot holes, is there?

So Sam continues to adjust to life at college, which is filled with hot girls as far as the eye can seen, some of whom walk around only wearing towels, and a number of them have the hots for a strange professor, played by Rainn Wilson. Yeah, because when I think of sexy college professors, I think of Dwight from "The Office". But Sam cannot really focus on this because he is having weird visions and displaying odd behavior as a result of it. He is also being stalked by a psycho chick who is trying to seduce him. Little does he know that another part of the All-Spark was stolen by Decepticons, who use it to revive Megatron and others. Megatron then meets with the Fallen on his base in outer-space, the Nemesis, to discuss plans for global destruction.

It is eventually revealed that the psycho chick is actually a Decepticon that was seeking to eliminate him and steal his All-Spark piece. Wait...what? Hold on, hold on! They are able to make almost perfect replicas of human beings. Since when?! Are they using the Skynet program from the "Terminator" films to help them out? Well, guess what? She gets destroyed shortly afterward and so we never get an exclamation for this new type of technology they posses and it is never mentioned or seen again. Great. It turns out that Sam isn't the only one with problems: Mikaela has to deal with a very annoying Decepticon named Wheelie who sounds like a PG-13 version of Joe Pesci. She eventually "trains" him and turns him into a pet that fits in her purse. Its like Megan Fox is Paris Hilton and Wheelie is her robotic Tinkerbell. That's super! But believe me, it gets worse than this guy.

After being captured by the Decepticons, they are recused by Optimus Prime and Bumblebee. The enemy attacks and while Optimus fights bravely, he is killed in the assault. Bumblebee then escorts Sam and the others to safety, while the other Autobots come in to defend them. Where were they beforehand? Probably could have helped Optimus out a bit, couldn't they? Not that it will do him much good now. The humans go into hiding and are guarded by Bumblebee and twin robots named Mudflap and Skids and oh my god those are the most racist robots I have ever seen! I mean, I am not usually the sort of person that goes after random bits of pop culture and accuses them of being discriminatory, but even I have my limit. The guys speak in Jive, they are depicted as unintelligent, they don't like to read, have no character depth, and...come on, one of them even has a gold tooth:
"But Sam! I don't know nothing about birthing no Autobabies!"

Despite the fact that he is wanted by the government so he can be handed over to the Decepticons as part of a bargain to leave Earth (and so Mudflap and Skids can get handed over to the NAACP), Sam still wants to help save the world and Leo makes his only real contribution to the movie by contacting a guy who he thinks can help them. As it turns out, the guy is Simmons, the government douche-bag from the first movie. He is played once again by John Turturro, because I guess the Coen brothers and Adam Sandler are no longer taking his calls anymore. He helps Sam decipher the codes in his head, and their quest eventually leads them to National Air and Space Museum where they run come across a Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird with a Decepticon symbol on it. Not sure how that got by both the Air Force AND the museum's curators!

It turns out to be Jetfire, an ancient robot who has switched sides to the Autobots. I think I hate Jetfire more than anything else in this movie. He is not the most annoying or the most racist character in the film, but he pretty much represents almost everything that makes it so dumb: he yells and screams a lot, he fumbles around on a walking stick (I don't care if he is old; why does A ROBOT need a walking stick?), and when he farts (yes, he farts too) a parachute comes out of his ass...or what is supposed to be his ass. Its kind of embarrassing to watch and it destroys what very little dignity this film already had left. Why...just...why?

Anyway, Jetfire transports them to Egypt, tells them about how there is a machine there that is to be used to give the Decepticons energy and destroy the Earth and only a Prime can stop the Fallen. They devise a really elaborate plan to find a magical object called the Matrix-
Sorry Keanu, Megan Fox is already in this film, but the next time we want a big name star who can't act their way out of a paper bag, we'll give you a call.

-and use it to revive Optimus Prime. They eventually find the Matrix, but it crumples to dust upon touching it. Sam still insists on using it to revive Optimus. Eventually there is a big battle between the Autobots, the Decepticons and the military like in the first film, except the Autobots are rarely shown. Seriously, why were they even in this movie? Oh, I forgot, there is also a part where Simmons find out that one of the Decepticons has a scrotum. That is not as disgusting as it sounds, but it would be best if we not look to much into this.

Well,Sam's annoying parents (White and Kevin Dunn) are transported to Egypt and used as leverage against him, but they are freed after at most five minutes, making this plot point completely pointless. At another point, Sam is seemingly killed by a blast. Wow, the main human character in the second installment of a multi-million dollar movie franchise might be dead; there is no way he is going to come back to life! Well, as you can imagine, it doesn't quite work out that way. He has an out of body experience in which the deceased Primes congratulate him on his courage. He is revived and the Matrix is reconstructed. Umm...quick question. What would have happened if Sam did not get hit by the blast, could not reconstruct the Matrix, and was unable to revive Optimus? Wouldn't the Decepticons have won and the Earth would be destroyed? I mean, for the sake of ending this movie series, that would have been great, but from a storytelling perspective, that seems to be a bit of a flaw in the Prime's design plan, isn't it? Oh forget it, the movie is almost over anyway.

Okay, let's wrap this up. Optimus is back, but is not at full power. Jetfire, realizing that the only thing he has done in his life is hog screen time for a sequel that never should have been made, sacrifices himself so that Optimus can meet the challenge. The Prime then kills the Fallen, leaving Megatron and Starscream to retreat to the Nemesis to prepare for an even crappy sequel for the summer of 2011. Don't you love a two and a half hour movie that ends with a cliffhanger even though the movie you just finished watching wasn't worth sitting through? Optimus gives a stupid speech about unity and all that crap, and the movie finally, FINALLY, ends, with scenes showing Sam returning to college during the closing credits, which serve no purpose what so ever. REALLY LIKE TO END THE WAY YOU STARTED, DON'T YOU, MOVIE?!

This...was...terrible. I expected this film to be bad when I saw it, but I was not prepared for just how bad. I've seen stupid movies before, but with this film, I really thought my intelligence was being purposely insulted. And as far as sequels to recent blockbusters go, this was by far the worst that I have seen. This was worse than the third "Spiderman" movie. This was worse than the last two "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies. This was even worse than the "Matrix" sequels. It was way too long, it had so much stuff that did not make sense, it was filled with uninteresting, annoying, pointless, and/or racists characters, and above all, it just really came off as a film that set out to prove that people will see anything with big robots, sexy women, and mindless special effects. Sadly, they were proven right, as this film made more money at the box office than any other film in 2009 except for the all-time box office champion, "Avatar," despite the fact that it won the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (among other dubious honors). Now, to be completely fair, Shia LaBeouf and even Michael Bay himself have both gone on the record to say that the film was not one that they were particularly proud of. Either way, it was released as it was, and those involved will have to suffer the consequences of their actions. If the upcoming third "Transformers" ends up being a flop, they will know why.

And that is it. I strongly DO NOT recommend this film. Unless are an idiot like me and you want to see a train wreck, that is. A really, really, big train wreck.