The Prodigy (2019)

The Prodigy seems to posit that sometimes, parents are right to be afraid of their own children. But this is a pretty typical ‘bad seed’ type of movie like The Omen or Orphan or however many other ones. It’s so well-branded at this point it might as well be a corporate logo – Scary Kid, complete with creepy things said in a low voice, odd deadpan faces and spooky lighting! Get one at your local WalMart today!

Director: Nicholas McCarthy

Starring: Taylor Schilling, Jackson Robert Scott

IMDb

We start off with a serial killer dying when the police find one of his victims, a woman whose hand he cut off for some reason. Then at the exact same moment, Taylor Schilling’s character Sarah’s baby is born! Gee, I can’t imagine they’re showing us this for any hacky reason related to reincarnation or possession of any kind. Must just be a weird coincidence! I’m sure they filmed lots of other things that didn’t make it in, like just filming totally mundane random things for the hell of it! That’s how movies work.

The kid, Miles, grows up, and to my surprise the movie actually took its time here, establishing a family dynamic and only slowly introducing the creepier elements. I guess the story is that while the boy is gifted almost from birth, he also begins exhibiting some weird tendencies like when he begins speaking Hungarian in his sleep and it turns out to be some stuff like “you whore, I’ll cut out your eyes,” and you know, as far as an eight-year-old’s conversational skills, this isn’t that bad. Most eight-year-olds are way less interesting to talk to.

I think the craziest time to me is when he beats up a little kid with a wrench at school, and somehow is not kicked out after that – you never see the other kid again, but Miles is still there. But then again, what’s a little aggravated battery when you’re a kid? It’s just part of growing up.

So Sarah just goes to this weird doctor who tells her that reincarnation is real and her son is probably fighting off an evil spirit in his brain that could take him over completely! Imagine going to what you thought was a legit doctor and hearing that. He goes into insane detail about this. It’s like if you went to a totally normal doctor’s office with a bad cough and the guy turned to you and said unironically “you’re turning into a werewolf.”

But because this is some real brainless idiotic shit, the guy is totally right! He was on the money! He should probably try gambling because he’d be good at it most likely.

I think one of my favorite parts is when it’s revealed that the kid has rigged a baby monitor to spy on what his parents are saying, attaching it secretly to a picture downstairs. Are we sure this is a serious movie? Seems more like some kind of wacky sitcom. What will this boy genius do next? Maybe rig a school PA to play some hip trendy music so all the cool kids will like him?

Sarah's husband Edward flies off the handle randomly, losing his temper as if this were a fundamental aspect of his character and he were a fully three-dimensional character. But really it just seems random, and like a way to get him out of the movie for a while. He also gets into a car crash as well later – man, the script really tossed this guy aside like an old girlfriend it got tired of. The movie knew what to do with him about as much as a kid staying at his weird bachelor uncle’s house for a weekend.

Oh, and when she takes him to see that doctor dude, Miles blackmails the doctor into telling Sarah there’s no possession after all – he set up this whole plan to frame the doctor by taking his drugs, taking pubic hair off the toilet to put in his mouth (!!) to simulate the doctor putting his dick in his mouth, it’s fucking crazy. The doctor, though, he should probably quit – would you want anyone that easily outsmarted to be in charge of your mind? He’d probably get distracted and turn you into a vegetable.

I guess they figure out that to get the killer out of Miles, they have to complete the task he was there to do, which is murdering the killer’s final victim who escaped years ago. Sarah actually buys a gun and it looks like she’s gonna do it herself, which is completely batshit, like really just an out-there plot.

But if you’re afraid the movie might actually try something different and daring, nope! She wimps out and instead Miles, possessed by the killer, brutally murders the woman. Hooray for exactly the most predictable thing you could possibly do! But at least we got to see something completely, pointlessly cruel on top of that! That makes it all OK. Or maybe it makes it a total piece of shit. I can never tell.

Then Sarah chases Miles out into a field and tries to shoot him. Miles says he’s totally evil now and is only the killer, with Sarah’s actual son now completely gone. But of course, some random farmer guy shows up exactly at the right time, conveniently not hearing anything the kid said, and shoots Sarah before she can kill Miles. Of course! It’s not a lazy plot twist at all! Sometimes people just materialize out of nowhere right when the villain needs them to!

Then of course you get the lame-ass ending where Miles is at some new foster family’s place and he sees the killer in the mirror, signifying that HE IS ACTUALLY THE KILLER. Oh, wait, we already knew that. What a great ending, just reiterating what we already knew from the first act of the movie like it's a surprise!

Fuck The Prodigy, man. This is some seriously lame, dated, half-assed nonsense. Every decision made is cliché and the movie is afraid to take risks. The characters exist only as arbitrary hollow chess pieces to move around. The plot shies away from anything exciting and there’s no point to any of it. What was the message here? Serial killers are bad? Yeah, real Einstein-level shit, guys. At least Taylor Schilling is great – hope she gets a better movie next time.

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The Year 2018 In Movies

Well, I deliberated how to do it this year, as every movie I was going to list as one of the worst of the year ended up being reviewed here already - so what was the point in just listing them all again? Instead, I decided to go ahead and list a bunch of my favorite ones in no order, because who really needs any more formality than that? There were a lot of cool movies last year.

I eschewed any superhero ones and tried to steer clear of the Oscar ones, because my blog really is like the dark side of any mainstream movie coverage most of the time. I think fans of stuff that is a little more off the beaten path will find a lot to enjoy here. Dig in. Consume some art. Have fun.

Sorry to Bother You

A fucking radical punch to the face. This was so vibrant, exciting and progressive. Director Boots Riley has such a fresh, unique style, and the story is a sardonic, dark and twisted and yet funny spin on how thoroughly fucked the working class is. I’ve never really seen anything like it, and fast dialogue and witty performances only buoy the whole thing. This is the kind of thing that will inspire you to go enact some change in real life. It’s a protest movie and I love the shit out of it.

The Favourite

Acerbic, cold and cutting; The Favourite is a dynamite film that tackles the question of power, of who holds it over who and what it means. Really, the film seems to think it’s more of an arbitrary thing, a farce we perpetuate ourselves, making ourselves miserable in the service of ‘power,’ whatever the hell that really means. Emma Watson is inimitable and the directing is quick and punchy, making this a movie I couldn’t turn away from.

Widows

A dense heavy-weight of a crime action flick. With killer script-writing by Gillian Flynn, this takes a somewhat stock premise and turns it into this labyrinthine, hard-hitting odyssey. The characters face real world issues and themes like sexism, racism, police brutality and income inequality are brushed over with Flynn’s masterful touch. Plus the action is awesome and director Steve McQueen knows how to make this one captivating as hell.

Hereditary

One of the best new horror movies. This is such a gut-punch, and so harrowing in every way. Every shot seems crafted to hurt you. The story blends a traditional ghost tale with real familial breaking-down and disintegration, turning grief into a weapon, used in a way I haven’t really seen before – it’s a more complex film than it initially lets on. Alex Wolff and Toni Collette are undeniable here, no matter how high their therapy bills might’ve been since this finished filming.

Annihilation

This one was a real trip, a visual feast for the senses as four women go into a bizarre parallel universe and things just ramp up in strangeness the closer they get to this mysterious lighthouse. Director Alex Garland’s previous film Ex Machina was more of a literary thing, with more social commentary – this is the exact opposite, a sci fi by way of fantastical adventure. It’s too tinged with darkness to be escapist, but the magnetic, transfixing visuals and sense of a journey are addictive here.

Isle of Dogs

This one was just fun. Wes Anderson has been an inconsistent director for me, but this, with its snappy visual humor and enjoyable characters – played by a really impressive cast – hit the spot. Its social commentary is a bit simple but it gets the job done. I watched and loved this for the sheer stylistic goofiness and ingenuity. It was an addictive little thing.

Eighth Grade

Bo Burnham’s film director debut is a personal, raw little tale, very human, and I found it a great watch. It’s funny in a subtle way, and a little bit tender, a little bit sad. Lead actor Elsie Day is a real fine and imbues this with a sense of honesty that you don’t get out of bigger-budget films all the time.

Mandy

Director Panos Cosmatos might not come out with movies very often, but it’s worth the wait if we get stuff that’s this awesome. Mandy is just a sledgehammer of a movie that takes its time to build character and then just starts tearing everything the fuck apart. Nic Cage gives the performance of his career and Cosmatos’ dedication to sheer blazing psychedelic weirdness in his destructive action makes this a vortex you won’t know how to or want to escape.

Hellfest

Super fun, vibrant horror flick that impressed me way more than I thought it would. Might not be anything terribly substantial but this was a serious blast of adrenaline and the best slasher I’ve seen in years. The setting is cool and macabre and there’s an actual sense of suspense and danger for these characters – you don’t want them to die. It’s 80s B-level schlock given the A-level film treatment and made with care.

Hold the Dark

Director Jeremy Saulnier has been building up his cred for years with movies like Blue Ruin and Green Room, both these raw, gritty action flicks with no pretense. Hold the Dark is his best yet. This is just a force of nature, and the perilous setting and inescapable action make it a legitimate experience. It’s primal and even kind of beautiful in a weird way. His dedication to making movies with no Hollywood bullshit at all is commendable.

Thoroughbreds

A sick puppy of a film, centering around a demented relationship between two adolescent girls and the fucked up things they do. I found this to be a wicked little romp, and those into fucked up entertainment will enjoy this.

Calibre

A killer, tightly-wound corker of a horror flick about two guys who get more than they bargained for going hunting in a small town. It never lets up and the story is the focus here. The tension is palpable and the whole thing will leave you with a churning sick feel in your gut. You know by now if you’re the type who’ll enjoy this one.

Death of Stalin

Like The Favourite, this is a movie that examines and then pisses on the idea of power in politics. It’s a dry-witted film and just skewers the ridiculousness of the whole idea of these ‘Leader’ types of authoritarian governments. I found it a unique film, worth seeing for sure, especially if you’re a history buff.

Leave No Trace

Director Debra Granik put out a great movie called Winter’s Bone years ago and is now back with another sparse, intimate drama set out in nature. This one’s about a father and daughter out in the wilds living off the land – and yet contrasting with the whims of modern society encroaching upon them. It has something to say about that, on how it’s become so hard just to live on the land that has always been here. And maybe a little bit about mental illness. I found it affecting.


...And I'll throw in a few disappointments for the hell of it:

Sicario 2: Day of the Soldado
The first movie was one of my favorites of the last few years – dark, gritty, morally ambiguous and made with an exquisite and artful eye by Denis Villenueve. This one feels more like a generic action movie, and not even a particularly good one. Without the same level of intrigue in the story and with the two leads acting like stock garden variety anti-heroes out of a syndicated network TV show, this comes off stunted and dull. The streak of mild racism in this one doesn’t help, either.

Deadpool 2
I didn’t like the first one that much, and this is more of the same. Some funny moments, sure – but that’s just what the movie is supposed to do, not a reason for praise. Overall this was full of two or three lame jokes for every decent one and yet again the story was fairly standard and dull. I’m not sure why these sorts of movies think you have to do a cliché storyline in order to make fun of cliché in film. And it’s not as edgy or interesting as it wants you to think.

And props to The Happytown Murders for being the first movie I can think of to rival Shyamalan's The Visit for worst movie of the decade! A truly horrendous spectacle of crap!

Let's now wash ourselves clean of last year's movies and instead go forth like babes anew, ready for a whole new year of entertainment.